Sometimes a friend, colleague or associate will accuse you of doing something that is not true. They shift the conversation away from a good-faith “Can we talk about this?” to “You did this thing, and now it's a problem!”

These moments are a terrific opportunity to sit with the discomfort of “being misunderstood” rather than rushing forth with a defense.

You'll be tempted to argue your case, making their reality wrong and your reality right. This seldom works.

Instead, be with the sensation of being misunderstood. Let it fully metabolize in your body. And then, when you are more regulated, shift the conversation to operate on a different premise: You are the expert in your experience, and I am the expert in mine.

These moments are a terrific opportunity to sit with the discomfort of “being misunderstood” rather than rushing forth with a defense.

Are there times when you notice that you are very triggered by feeling like you are misunderstood? 

Do you rush in to try to defend yourself, or explain what you really meant to say or do? 

What is it about being misunderstood that is so activating? Perhaps you were bullied as a child, or perhaps a stepparent projected things on you that weren't true. 

Does the experience of being misunderstood as an adult launch you into a right/wrong argument with others?

Given that human beings project on each other all the time, you may have plenty of opportunities to practice something other than getting defensive. The next time someone steps out of a good-faith dynamic and projects on you, try saying one of these two phrases: